I will be the first to admit that I suffer from some serious imposter syndrome. I’m not sure when this internal echoing of “you aren’t good enough” came into play (I suspect the years of growing up with horrendous acne probably did the trick), but it has been unwelcome company for a long time. In fact, as of late, it has been haunting me like a dark storm cloud overhead. Especially with regards to my online profile. Let me explain.
My friends and family constantly ask me why I don’t post more often. They know fully well that I have many personal and authentic pieces in my arsenal ready to fire. I wish I had a better reason other than “I simply feel like a fraud. I don’t feel like I am qualified or in a place to be doling out advice to others. I haven’t even completed medical school for crying out loud! I’m not sure whether I actually have any value to add here”.
Usually my response ignites a little bit of rage in my ride or die crew. They can’t believe that someone who is as outgoing, personable and as seemingly confident as myself would feel like they have no value to add. Reading that back, I kind of can’t believe I feel that way too, but alas, this is where I am at. Brutal, I know.
After getting through the USMLE, I’ve spent the last few days relaxing but also trying to get myself into a better head space. Reflecting, reading, listening, writing. Creating a mental space of confidence, self-assurance and power. I’ve come away from this time with a few realisations:
- No one can tell your life story and experiences with more vibrancy and fervour than you. You are the expert of your own life. And you would be doing yourself a disfavour by not owning your own damn story.
- What may seem obvious and simple to you may be magic to somebody else. By sharing your seemingly normal tidbits and experiences, you may be opening the eyes of many others.
- Being vulnerable and honest on social media is hard. Sometimes it fills me with anxiety. But heck, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Just being authentic and vulnerable is unique in its own way and adds value in a world of filters, pretty outfits and highlight reels.
- No matter what it is you are doing…how will you feel at the ripe age of 90 having NOT done it? Living with regret is FAR worse (in my opinion) than the anxiety associated with putting yourself out there or starting a new venture (credit to @EntreMD for this one)
- Experts aren’t built over night. It takes time to build your craft. The things you pick up and learn along the journey are useful. Sure, seeing successful people is great and all. But I personally am way more interested in seeing people who are on their JOURNEY to success. That is what I find motivating.
- If you are going through a down period in life, chances are, many other people are too. Who knows how many people you might be able to reach and help if you let go of your own insecurities.
So, with all of that said, I am going to start showing up for my own life now. I’m going to stop waiting for the “right moment”, or the right number of degrees, or when my skin calms down or I lose a few more pounds, or I pass that exam. Because with that mentality, there will never be a right moment, I will constantly be chasing the next milestone and nothing I do will ever feel good enough. If any of you have ever echoed these feelings, I hope you will take a leap of faith with me and start pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Life is just too damn short to play by anybody else’s books. So here is to living authentically, freely and openly, even if it makes you want to jump out of your skin! Eventually it will become second nature, at least I sure hope so!
SINCERELY MILLIE 